Weblog

Tuesday, 21 April 2009

Saturday, 11 April 2009

  • My cranial tissue is aching;

    blood is pounding behind my eyes

    there is nothing left in my head

    but the hopes- no, the lies...

    The darkness sheathes my heart

    and I realize I have grown

    too much now to be vunerable;

    too much to fear being alone...

    And I am realizing you still fear it

    as if I can offer anything different--

    anyone that loves me will be alone:

    I'm frozen in my mind, and no one else can see it.

    My mind is quick becoming

    a hellish vision of everything;

    a pallette desecrated by the ugliness

    of the heart that lies within.

     

Tuesday, 07 April 2009

  • Currently
    All Souls: A Family Story from Southie
    By Michael Patrick MacDonald
    see related

    Whew, it's been awhile...

    WELL. I don't really have much of anything to say, AT ALL, but I'm tired of looking at old, invalid information.

    So, here's a few recent poems for your (not-so) viewing pleasure.

    1. Nuclear Heart
    Inside a withered, tethered, broken soul: there lies a flame.
    Mine is dim, but gath'ring energy;
    heat and light brough forth from the combustion of
    my failed hopes; my dreams crumbling into the ashes
    of illusion they have become;
    nuclear fusion combining every achievement I was born to fulfill
    with the more multitudinous fallacies of goals I have believed; have pursued,
    until all my dreams and nightmares are inseverable-
    One Nation, Indivisible, with the purpose of providing me with hope
    for a future, and a new calibre of discernment.

    2. Godray
    The sun is a sphere
    of plasmatic fire:
    bubbling; boiling; threatening to scorch
    anything
    everything
    And I dwell here- most of my body freely exposed-
    ready to bubble
    to boil
    to scorch
    because, after so many months of the dark, dreary freeze,
    I am like a bear, emerging from unfastidious hibernation;
    a butterfly, stretching my aching wings, for I am a virgin of flight;
    a virgin of freedom, after so many weeks of being incarcerated in my own proverbial cocoon
    of sadness
    of hatred
    of huge investments of myself in projected love

    And so,
    the sun is a welcome flame against my darkness;
    I am a canvas for whatever nature pines to paint.
    I am ready to bubble,
    boil, scorch, and more...
    if that means I can be happy.

    3. The Last Supper
    After taking the cup of tomato soup,
    she gave thanks (for they requested this,)
    and thought,
    I'll eat this, but not
    happily.

    And she swirled in this soup the cheesy bread,
    then took it and placed it upon her
    tongue, thinking,
    This is pure representation of your disappointment in me:
    Smouldering hot and completely unmerciful.

    In the same way, she dug her nails into her wrist,
    heat rising on her fingertips and
    tears welling in her eyes, thinking:
    This cup of soup is the last I'll consume
    before I'll let loose the dam of blood

    But the tongue that so swells
    in unrighteousness, which betrays me every day,
    is in my own mouth.
    Woe be to my most loathed foe:
    Myself.

    4. Monstrosity
    You chew 'em up and spit 'em out
    don't give a second thought to their feelings; you're the queen.
    It's ALWAYS the nice ones that fall for you;
    always the ones with perfect, gorgeous souls for you to ruin.
    You're a maelstrom...
    You love your own destruction.
    Anybody could tell you what a monster you are;
    Anybody who's seen your core can defend that it's not pretty.
    But your pretty shell- your cutesy, innocent facade- fools us all at first;
    gets us all to love and accept you;
    to seek your approval...
    And then comes the pain.
    YOU. HURT. EVERYONE.
    And because of that,
    I feel like I hate you...
    I don't want to hate anyone; don't want to even have the capacity to...
    But if I've ever hated anyone, it's you.

    5. The Void
    Words come easier when premeditated.
    These are mine.
    Though I know not what to say; to do; to think...
    I know what I know.
    I know my arms are empty
    and the void begs to be filled.
    My heart is tuned to
    the frequency of yearning;
    a state of misshapen healing, waiting
    to become perfect again.
    I'm looking for another heart that knows brokenness,
    for brokenness yields humility and compassion.
    And, if I could find that heart,
    The one PERFECT match to mine...
    I'd combine every particulate of my soul
    'til the two are one;
    the broken pieces are no more;
    and all that remains is a single soul-
    happy, healthy, and everlasting.
    So my heart searches yet.
    I'm listening for an answering palpitation...
    Might I ever hear yours?

    6. The Atomic Girl
    Betrayal may be so much less than most think.
    It's not an action; but a passive void;
    a lack of things anticipated and yearned for.
    Such an empty feeling; suspicions of thoughts left un-relayed;
    indications of feelings clashing; smashing; splitting apart.

    Nothing happens here.
    A no-man's-land of emotional sandstorms;
    my heart is an abyss without someone else to soothe it.
    A heart broken and misshapen when healed;
    a soul yearning only to keep others satisfied.

    Fat Man, Little Boy, and Odd Girl.
    I can annihilate; I can hurt
    so many that I love and want to help;
    but the origination of so much destruction
    lies inside a vessel so mere.

    7. Weary Ramblings
    I ramble.
    I figure it might be the only way to ever
    get some half-truths out.
    'Cause I don't know anymore,
    I can speak the truth, sure,
    but only that which is totally obvious.
    The sky is blue.
    Nah, that's a lie. The sky is dark and dreary.
    It's grey. No, it's black.
    Starry. No, cloudy.
    Is that a moon?
    Or a spotlight for this awful play?
    I don't know. Can't know.
    Nothing makes sense.
    Does it?
    Hmm?
    The city lights reflect
    dull vomit-colours
    off of those clouds.
    Where is the sun?
    WHERE?
    Why does God always cry on us?
    Always pure, slightly alkaline tears
    to show His disappointment.
    Yeah, God, I'm pretty ashamed of my species, too.
    If I were You, I'd be fed up. I'd smite us all.
    Good thing I'm NOT You. Yeah?
    Yeah.
    Yup.
    Thanks, God.
    I appreciate you NOT smiting me.

     

Friday, 17 October 2008

  • Currently Listening
    How to Grow a Woman from the Ground
    By Chris Thile
    see related

    Blabbering on about everything and nothing important

    For those of you that still care: Thanks. I care about you, too, and I hope you are well.
    I'm doing pretty well. I haven't cut for about a year.
    Had a steady boyfriend for 10.5 months... I decided to break it off for now (last Sunday), because I can hardly take care of myself right now, not to mention another hungry heart. We are still close friends.
    Em... I'm dealing with alot of emotional confusion right now. I suppose it's just a stage- HOPE it's just a stage.
    Hmm. What else...?
    I am now a Junior, and have a job... I have better self esteem because of it. People seem to appreciate me for ME- when I let them see who I really am. So that has brought me "out of my shell," and I have many new (not to mention more mature) friends that are helping me to learn to love myself.
    So, yeah... Things are decent right now. Not great. But I am content, and that's a good place to be.
    <3
    Reply, you that cares. :P

emergingfromthedark

  • Visit emergingfromthedark's Xanga Site
    • Member Since: 5/13/2005

Top Tags

[no tags]

Archives

Don't worry - your calendar is here… to see it in action just click "Save" above and refresh the page.

Pulse